Dad Helps Lazy 21-Year-Old Son Still Living at Home to Get a Job Interview, Son Skips Job Interview to Play Video Games

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 10, 2026 8:30 PM EDT

Can he make him get his act together? 

Let's say, for the sake of argument, you have a kid who is starting to show symptoms of failure to launch. He has attended little, if any, college, and does not have a consistent job. He spends most of his time at home, in his room, doing something on his computer, but you don't know what. He doesn't seem particularly discontent with this lifestyle, or at least he doesn't seem to be trying to make any major changes to help him move out and start his own life. What would you do? Would you let him continue living in your house and eating up your groceries if he's not in employment, education, or training? 

So many parents struggle with this situation, and they feel helpless because they don't want to choose the nuclear option. They don't want to kick their kid out of their house, but sometimes that is the only thing that will get a lazy person to change. Even though it might force their adult child to change for the better, it can also harm their relationship with each other, especially in the short run. The alternative of letting their adult child live at home and waste his life away for as long as he wants isn't particularly appealing either. There has to be a middle ground between kicking your kid to the curb with no warning and letting them be their own worst enemy. 

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  • a 21-year-old man who lives at home, doesn't have a job, and mooches off of his parents while he plays video games and hangs out with his girlfriend all day.
    via Oleg Ivanov (Unsplash+)

    A model pretending to be a 21-year-old man who lives at home, doesn't have a job, and mooches off of his parents while he plays video games and hangs out with his girlfriend all day. 

  • How do I get my son off the couch, out of the house, and into a job?

    My son is 21 years old. He doesn't work. He just plays video games and hangs out with his girlfriend all day. I've tried everything from gentle coaxing to shouting to try
    via u/greenandbluedots
  • to impress upon him that he needs to get a job not only to earn money but also to get skills he will need as a grown a adult. Me and my wife will not be around forever. I
    via u/greenandbluedots
  • even found a company that was hiring and set him up for an interview. He didn't go. When I try to get tough with him, his mom and girlfriend defend him. My latest
    via u/greenandbluedots
  • idea is to tell him that by mid July I will no longer pay his cell phone bill. I'm open to suggestions here. I know other parents who have the same issues with their kids. What can I do?
    via u/greenandbluedots
  • Individual_Kick_6075 Maybe start with cutting internet access instead of - phone harder to game without wifi and he might actually leave house to find connection.
    via u/Individual_Kick_6075
  • Realistic Winter650 Cut off or limit internet access to 3hrs a day, you can do this on your home router. Google, as every router is different. Look up usually "Parental conrrols" Cut off the cell service as well.
    via u/RealisticWinter650
  • BS2H Allow to the router from 630am to 715am, 11:45- 12:15pm and 3:30-4pm and 7:30-815pm. Only for checking job application emails - barely long enough to game.
    via u/BS2H
  • StaleWoolfe If he wants to be a and not do sh all day he'll have to find a way to provide that lifestyle for himself. A normal person doesnt live like that by themselves and if they do they at least have an income. Its almost always because other people are willing to accommodate their lifestyle. His girlfriend and your wife enable him to continue doing this, the first step would to be talking to them about why he needs to change and how they can help
    via u/StaleWoolfe
  • MammothPolicy2982 "When I try to get tough with him, his mom and girlfriend defend him." Not much you can do if you can't fix this first
    via u/MammothPolicy2982
  • randomwords74 Some time in therapy made me realize that a big reason why my brothers are in their 30s still at home with no hope on the horizon is because anytime my dad would try and discipline them for exactly what OP is talking about my mom would interject into it and make the argument about her and my dad. What your wife is doing is not helping anything OP, and it'll just lead to your son being a deadbeat and you and your wife despising each other
    via u/randomwords74
  • Actors portraying a man in his 30s and his mother, who enables his bad behavior when his dad criticizes it.
    via A. C. (Unsplash+)

    Actors portraying a man in his 30s and his mother, who enables his bad behavior when his dad criticizes it. 

  • OnlyThePhantomKnows So sit down talk with him, give him a schedule. 6 months free. 6 months start charging rent. 6 months after that. BOOT! He has 6 months to get his life together. The instant he can't pay, he is out. Make sure the wife is on board.
    via u/OnlyThePhantomKnows
  • A representation of a car packed up with the 21-year-old son's stuff after he got a job and worked for six months, saving up some money so he could move out of his parents' house.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a car packed up with the 21-year-old son's stuff after he got a job and worked for six months, saving up some money so he could move out of his parents' house. 

  • It is an old method. (the number have changed) My mom used it in the 1970s when people needed a restart on life. I used it in the 1990s when a friend needed a place while she went through a divorce. That friend used it in the 2000s. We used something similar with the kid in 2010s.
    via u/OnlyThePhantomKnows
  • alamaan I was kicked out around that age for these reasons. I can say confidently that it gave me perspective on life very quickly. The struggle alone will make someone realize they need to count their blessings and work hard to move forward in life. Truth be told, this doesn't work for everyone and it may not really be the right answer anymore in today's day and age. I agree on what others have said though. Cut off those luxuries like phone and internet, at least they'll be forced to go out in
    via u/alamaan
  • ProfessorOnEdge Teacher here... Part of the problem with today's young people is they don't see any hope for the future. There is nothing they seem to be able to do to grab a foothold on the future. Sure, he should get a job, but what beginner level jobs in your area pay enough for him to make me rent? Have prospects for career growth? Actually have a postive impact on the community? What jobs would you like him to pursue that would pay a living wage, without contributing to the destruction of t
    via u/ProfessorOnEdge
  • Today's generation does not see any point in working 40 to 60 hour weeks just to be in more debt, with little hope of ever being secure. Talk to him. Ask what are his hopes for his future? What support does he feel he would he need to be an independent adult? The world is literally burning as we speak, and he probably doesn't see much of a future regardless of what he does. Does he have any passions?
    via u/ProfessorOnEdge
  • Distryer This here, actually have a conversation with the guy and understand his concerns then work with him on steps to address them so he can grow, maybe its therapy but you wont know until you actually talk to eachother.
    via u/Distryer
  • So his answer is to leech off of his parents for the rest of his life. I'm guessing that his dad would have no problem with him living at home if he was going something besides playing video games all day. And as far as making rent, that's what roommates are for.
    via u/LawfulnessRemote7121
  • redditorforire If he is living at home rent-free with no responsibilities at 21, that's honestly on you. I say this without malice, but without sugar-coating it. You're not helping him. You're hurting him. And collectively, hurting the future for everyone. That generation is going to be running things someday when you're old. Please don't f up for all of us.
    via u/redditorforire

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living at home lazy parenting girlfriend dad failure to launch video games job interview mom son
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